Pride is more than a month.
Thinking about an old friend today.
Happy Pride Month! 🌈 This June I want to celebrate the incredible Pride heroes who paved the way for love and acceptance. My hope is that the mission of Bringing Up Boys honors their legacy.
Raising boys to be kind, emotionally strong, and respectful of everyone regardless of their gender identity or who they love, can change the world. Together, we can create a future where every boy grows up knowing that love is love, and how you feel on the inside matters. This is my kind of positive masculinity.
I want to share one of the stories that led me to where I am today.
For most of my life, I was in the performing arts. I was a serious dancer and theater kid and had a lot of dance and theater friends. From a young age, I was mentored by queer instructors, and I also had several queer friends.
To say I would not be who I am today without these instructors, mentors, and friends is an understatement, and it is also the truth.
When I was in 8th grade, I spent hours one night on the phone with a close friend who was preparing to come out to his parents. As I listened to him express his many overwhelming feelings—fear and anxiety, relief, vulnerability, hope, insecurity, courage, anticipation, guilt—I realized, at that moment, that they were emotions I did not have to experience or display.
I was surprised that someone my age had to think so much about his identity and tell the world about it.
I also remember saying out loud, “… don’t they already know you’re gay? What is there to tell?”
He had to explain to me that what I thought was so obvious just based on knowing him and talking to him about things like celebrity and real-life crushes (typical things kids these age discuss) was—in fact—not obvious to his parents. He had never been honest with them. He had always avoided conversations surrounding crushes with them. Or he pretended to have crushes on girls.
He had to explain to me that the process of “coming out” was a particular experience queer people went through.
When I finally got off the phone, I began to feel uneasy about the conversation he was about to have with his parents. I wished him luck, encouraging him to call me whenever he wanted to. And I felt pride in him for being so brave.
My mother questioned me: “Who were you talking to all that time? Don’t you have a test tomorrow? Do you need to prepare?” I answered that I most definitely was not prepared for my test, but that being there for my friend at this moment was more important than any test at school. She understood and validated this priority.
I’ll never forget that phone call, and it will forever be one of the most important conversations in the context of my personal and professional life.
This is one of the many experiences that led me to pursue research and advocacy work among LGBTQ+ youth. I wanted to contribute to a world where my friends didn’t need to come out. Or if they did want to come out, I didn’t want them to be afraid or feel insecure. I didn’t want them to summon up bravery just to explain who they are.
As parents, we hold so much power. One family at a time, we have the ability to change the world. We have the ability to foster inclusivity and acceptance in our homes. And for every son who doesn't need to come out to his family because they already accept and understand him, that family is gradually making a difference.
Imagine a world where queer kids didn't have to come out. 🌈 How amazing would that be?
To me that means a world in which:
People are accepted for who they are, without question or judgment.
Love and identity are celebrated without the need for declarations or fears of rejection.
Authenticity is the norm and every child feels free to be themselves.
Understanding, equality, diversity, and inclusion are the norm.
Pride is more than just a month.
As I was reflecting on Pride and the stigma surrounding it, I realized that the messages of Pride extend far beyond the queer community—they resonate with and benefit all of us.
Here are 3 important Pride messages that extend far beyond Pride month in helping raise confident, loving men:
Not all families look the same. Every family is worthy and valuable. Embracing family diversity encourages men and boys to embrace a broader understanding of family and their role within it. Some families have 1 parent, some have 2 dads or moms, and some have a working mom and stay-at-home-dad. Love and connection define family, not conformity.
Love is love, and you are free to love whomever you choose. Celebrating and respecting all forms of love promotes a more inclusive and expansive understanding of what it means to be a man. Encouraging boys to embrace their true feelings, whether they are into boys, girls, or someone who’s non-binary, highlights the importance of authenticity and individuality. This shift away from rigid gender norms allows boys to form connections based on safety, respect, and happiness.
How you feel on the inside matters. Advocating for self-acceptance and authenticity contradicts traditional expectations of men. Boys should learn to stand proud and confident in who they are, resisting societal stereotypes about how men should behave. True strength comes from within, and they should learn to value self-expression over external validation.
To be honest, these messages are just as important for us as parents. Let’s practice engraining them in ourselves as well.
And to my dear friend with whom I spent hours on the phone with that night, thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for letting me be your friend. Thank you for inspiring my voice. Thank you for inspiring my work. Thank you for inspiring Bringing Up Boys.