Gobble Gobble, Don’t Wobble
And a free Thanksgiving day printable activity!
🦃 Holiday season is here! 🥧
Stick with me until the end of this newsletter and you’ll see a free printable download of a Bringing Up Boys coloring activity!
I love spending time with family during the holidays, but for some reason, I find that our typical parenting that we so carefully craft goes out the window during this time.
For me, personally, sometimes the holiday season can bring out some anxiety, as a parent who tends to thrive on structure. However, not only are traditions important to my family, but they’re part of what makes parenting so fun and rewarding.
Holiday season can make us parent in a way that pleases others but that we, ourselves, don’t actually believe in. The season doesn’t only come with turkey, snow, holiday lights and playlists, but also with social pressures, family expectations, and cultural norms that can influence our parenting decisions in ways that don’t align with our values. We might feel tempted to overspend on gifts, enforce traditions that don't resonate with us, or encourage or stifle behavior in our kids simply to avoid criticism or judgment from others.
This dynamic can make us feel disconnected; not just from our children, but from ourselves. Join me in trying to reflect on what you believe is meaningful and healthy for your family, even if that means making choices that don't necessarily fit the script that others expect.
Speaking of which…
I want to talk about *sometimes awkward* greetings and goodbyes and how we expect our sons to engage with them. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard things like “Go over and give your grandma a hug and a kiss right now” over the years.
Call me rude or impolite, but I believe that our sons should be allowed to give the greeting and goodbye that they feel comfortable with.
Though well-intentioned, moments like this make me wonder how we’re supposed to instill the concept of consent in our sons and expect them to treat others with respect down the line if we are forcing or pressuring them to be physically intimate in a way that’s outside of their comfort zone.
In the spirit of doing our best to keep our parenting authentic this season, here are some things I will *NOT* be making my son do on Thanksgiving:
Hug His Family Members: Boys need to cultivate boundaries and agency over their personal space to understand consent and to foster future healthy relationships. As a parent who values teaching consent early, I let my son decide whether or not he wants to give hugs.
Be polite: Gratitude is not taught by force, it’s taught by modeling. Trust in the foundation you’ve built with your son. Shaming won’t encourage politeness; a teachable moment will not be effective at the Thanksgiving table in front of a crowd. The most effective teachable moments come at calmer times when trust and connection are at their strongest.
Eat: One of the things that makes my husband and I feel the absolute craziest is when our son won’t eat. But here’s the thing: Kids simply eat less when they’re 1) distracted and 2) in a new situation. I’ll offer a small assortment of food and let him eat or not. I’m not going to engage in a picky-eating battle. We’re naturally not as hungry in highly social moments that are not part of our daily routine, and boys need to learn the meaning and importance of bodily autonomy.
Play with family members: “Share your toy with your cousin who you haven’t seen in a year!” Just… no. It’s not natural for young kids to share, period, yet we engrain this societal norm from an early age. Sharing with a friend or family member they see often? Sure. Sharing with a stranger (so-to-speak) that hasn’t yet earned trust? A bit weird. Forcing your son to play or to share doesn’t teach generosity or social skills; it teaches him that his boundaries are not important.
Because it’s Thanksgiving, here are some things I’m thankful to witness with my son this year:
His Boundless Energy: The endless running, climbing, jumping, and dancing.
His Creative Chaos: From building epic Lego creations to inventing stories about his stuffies’ adventures.
His Pocket Surprises: The joy (and slight dismay) of finding rocks, trash, or artwork lovingly "saved for later."
His Sneaky Snuggles: That moment when he curls up next to me to lean his head on my body.
His Sense of Humor: The way he can invent jokes—and laugh at them, too.
Endless Curiosity: Watching him explore the world everywhere he goes.
Some other things I’m thankful for:
I’m going to be honest, this was not the greatest month for many of us. The results of our election broke my heart. I wanted my son to have a female president who embodies hard work, authenticity, professionalism, and holds the same values as we do as a family.
Instead, my son will have a president who embodies exactly the opposite of what I attempt to instill in him.
Still, among the disappointment and the chaos, I’m thankful that I can still:
Not only show my son that strong women exist, but show him how to appreciate them
Encourage my son to be the kind of person who uplifts and respects others, regardless of the example set by those in power
Remind my son that adversity can inspire positive change
Model resilience and perseverance in the face of disappointment
Show my son the importance of advocating for what is right, even when it feels like the odds are stacked against us
Give my son a space to be his authentic self, encouraging both masculinity and femininity in all their forms
🦃 I hope you have a delicious and love-filled Thanksgiving with family and/or friends! I am grateful for you.
Thanks for sticking with me through this newsletter. Here’s a free, printable download of a Bringing Up Boys coloring activity to help enhance your son’s emotional competency! Bonus: it’s Thanksgiving themed!
